A friend of mine has this on her blog (Soul’s Spiral) and when I watched it my heart sank. I have always placed shame and guilt as equals and do my best to push it all into the background of my life. Memories of the words I’ve spoken to my family, the inattention I’ve paid to friends ran through my mind like a raging river. I started questioning how I can share my feeling about this with you, what words would I put on paper, what memory would I be willing to share?”
… and my daughter walks in as I’m typing…. “what sweetie?”
She: “oh nothing” as she sits on my bed in clear view of what I’m typing.
Me: “ok, well can you go away now [grin]?” (I really just didn’t want her reading the words I was typing–like that makes a difference)
She, very surprised by my response: “well…. I guess,… we’re (her 2 1/2 year old son) are just watching cartoons and I’m tired of watching them.”
Me: “Then watch something else….” Another exchange and the CLICK… shame, guilt, being vulnerable. I just watched 20 minutes about this, and I respond like that? Where in this lesson did I think a smile would make the words I used less hurtful?
Quikly I look at her (she hasn’t made it out of my room yet). “Sweetie, let me finish this and I’ll come sit out there and watch cartoons with you too.”
Boy do I have al ot of work ahead of me.